Returning home has definitely been a bit challenging. It's been rather strange. Oddly enough though, the things that I thought would be difficult wasn't that difficult after all. Everything that I anticipated ended up being the opposite of what I was expecting.
Luckily, I had already mentally prepared myself for unemployed life. Like I've written in past posts, I never expected to find a job or internship quickly and knew a long period of unemployment was awaiting me. So I haven't been as anxious or frustrated as I expected I would be. Although I have been warned it's coming. I'm sure it's coming. It's all part of being unemployed.
I think I've been OK because I've managed to keep a good balance between being productive and relaxing. It's been nice taking some time out for me and not being productive. After tying all the lose ends in Korea, and sorting and organising everything, and then having a jammed-packed month of travelling Asia (which I will write about soon), I have finally been able to stay in one place for more than a couple of days, not having to worry about getting to my next destination, and have been able to relax and do nothing for once. Down time, doing nothing hasn't felt so good in what seems like forever. I finally don't have to feel guilty for selfishly taking time out. I can do things I haven't been able to do for a while, like aimlessly watching TV and movies, and reading for leisure. I've even gone to play badminton a few times. Which has brought back some memories. It's been a nice change. It's made settling back home a lot more comfortable and relaxing.
However, doing something all of the time always gets boring, even when you're just doing nothing. I've always needed to be busy and multi-tasking to preoccupy myself. Especially as doing nothing gives you very limited prospects. I came back to sort my life out and that's what I plan on doing.
I know what I'm doing and am comfortable being unemployed for a while. I thought living at home with my parents would be frustrating and hard. We'd grate on each other; having to adjust to living together again, them dealing with me at home all of the time and me getting annoyed that I'm stuck at home all of the time. I expected them to be nagging at me and asking a billion questions about my future and what I'm doing to get there. But they've actually been great and we stay out of each other's hair, and we've gone back to an old routine. So everything feels OK with them. Sure I miss my independence and my friends in Korea and so forth. But it's not as bad as I thought it would be.
I've been keeping myself busy with a lot of different things. Seeing friends, doing housework and helping out my family (weirdly feeling like a domestic housewife), unpacking and sorting out all of my things (funny how much crap you always end up accumulating) and finally started blogging again (sorry again it's taken so long).
I've actually weirdly been getting more bother from friends and my sister about my job status than from my parents. Unfortunately, it's unrealistic to think you can get a job from hard work alone. Working hard to find a job won't increase job or intern vacancies, and it won't mean they'll all be good opportunities either. I can keep checking different websites, researching about different opportunities and handing out my CV (resume, for my American followers). But at the end of the day, luck will always play a role into anyone getting a job, or anything for that matter. You can call it fate or luck, but either way it's needed. There are different jobs that are ideal for different people, but unless the job's up for grabs or you see the vacancy or even if someone happens to like your application and is willing to give you a chance, there'll be a slim chance of getting the job. I've been keeping this in mind even before I left Korea. Mentally preparing myself for what's to come. And now others seem to be getting more frustrated for me than I am getting frustrated myself. Anyone that is unemployed too, all I can say is don't get frustrated and beat yourself up over it. Do everything within your ability - keep looking, keep applying and keep trying - and leave the rest to luck, because it's out of your hands from there on. So that's exactly what I've been doing. Kept looking, kept applying, kept trying and letting things take its course. That's all I can do.
Another reality check has been my health. I've had to be more selfish in taking care of myself after being ill a few times. As expected, I got a bit run-down after returning to England, just like I did when I last visited home. However, I've been a bit ill on and off since. Just because I went from being constantly dead busy for about 2 - 3 months to doing almost nothing in comparison. So everything finally caught up with me and my body. Then without properly resting with doing so much since coming home, I got really sick. Bare in mind I've always had a good immune system, and even when I've had the flu I've still been able to go to school or work. This time I was unbelievably ill. Coughing, runny nose, temperature, getting hot like my body was a radiator, head pounding and making me feel dizzy and sick, feeling like the whole room was still moving in whatever direction I moved my head .... The works. I finally went to the doctors after a lot of nagging from friends and family (I hate going to doctors at the best of times, but in my condition I couldn't get myself to the doctors without help). My dad took me in and I got blood taken to check I didn't get something while travelling. Which was thankfully negative. And the doctor checked me over despite there being no available slots. It was really nice he took the time to check I was O.K. Basically finding out I had two infections at the same time which had killed a lot of my white blood cells. So I got put on antibiotics, for what's probably only the second time in my life. So these health problems have probably been the worst thing about being back so far.
So yeah, it's been a bit up and down, but not as bad as I thought it would be. I'm finally getting back into the groove of things and it's starting to feel nice. Strange still, but nice. Adjusting hasn't been that hard, but getting used to Korea and that part of my life being over is still taking some time to adjust to. It's now a memory that seems like another lifetime ago. Almost like a dream. Coming back to resuming my life from where I left it makes it feel like I never left. Which is a very sad thought. I'm glad it hasn't been hard to adjust back to England, but I'm also sad that Korea seems to far away; geographically and time wise. I hope to never forget that part of my life as it made such a big impact on me, and I don't think I'll be as happy as I was then for a while now. It'll be hard to get back to that stage; living in a good place with friends everywhere, and doing a job that I love in a place that I also loved. I can only hope i'm lucky enough to achieve that twice in my lifetime.
