I mentioned in my last post that I enjoyed studying and knew it was
something that I was quite good at. However, as time has passed I have realised
that whilst I'm hardworking and enjoy studying, I took my grades for granted. I
genuinely enjoy(ed) studying and I've always perceived myself as a hard worker.
I always did well when I was young because I worked hard and I seemed to
naturally academic. However, reality kicked in in Sixth Form and stunned me. I'm
not sure about other countries, but I've found that many people agree that
there's some difficulty for students to adjust from GCSEs to A Levels and college
(aged 16+). I found it rather difficult to adjust.
At the time, GCSEs seemed so hard and stressful. It didn't help how much
people told us that GCSEs are easy and we were worrying too much. Whilst I'd
agree that GCSEs are easy in comparison to A Levels or University, I wouldn't
want to do my GCSEs again. I can understand why they were hard. It's the first
proper, real set of exams you take in England. They actually counted towards
something; which Sixth Form or College you would be legible for and your
results went on your CV. This was daunting. This was nothing compared to SATs
or vocabulary tests. Also, you have to study and revise for roughly 8 different
subjects; only 3 are subjects you chose to do and each subject have more than
one exam for them. I can still relate to how difficult GCSEs were and are.
However, A Levels were a completely different story. Whilst I could work
hard and get good grades during GCSEs, later I learnt that hard work didn't always
necessarily mean good grades. This was a massive shock to me. I had always been
a good girl that got good grades and never got in any real trouble. To suddenly
go from a B/A grade student to D/C grade and struggling to raise it up a grade
was very disturbing for me. I couldn't comprehend the sudden change. The
massive change in grade barrier and work quality had stunned me and left me
very confused.
It's very easy to say you should be a good student that studies hard and
does all of your work in advance so that you don't have problems. But this is
another thing very few people do. I worked hard and tried to do work in advance
but like all students I procrastinated and got distracted. I probably could
have worked a bit harder but I think this is an easy assumption in retrospect. Sometimes
it's hard to give ourselves credit for what we have done or for our limits. It's
hard to do everything 110% 24/7. It's unrealistic; we're not robots. We always look back and think "we
could have/should have tried harder" but sometimes I think that's out of
the question. We all have limits and
whilst you might have tried harder under different circumstances, it's silly to
fret and regret when it wasn't possible at that moment in time. At the time, I
worked to the best of my capability; a lot harder than I had worked previously.
I strove to improve my grades. I wanted grades that I could be proud and
satisfied with. But I was rarely satisfied.
Consequently, I become more confused, negative and detached. I started
to doubt myself and my future plans. I always wanted to be better. I grew to
hate education a little. I wanted to get away from it for a bit so that I could
gather my thoughts and myself together. Therefore, I started to change the route I had always planned to take. Rather
than going straight to University I was debating on a year-out in order for a
breather. I knew I would eventually go to University because I always intended
to be a High School teacher, and I knew that was impossible without any
degrees. But fears that I wouldn't be able to achieve this kept creeping in so
I decided to pluck up the courage to carry through my plans and go straight to
University and try my hardest.
It's hard because I know some people are naturally talented or are lucky
to discover their talents and passions at an early stage. When I was young I
thought I was naturally academic and would be able to achieve anything if I set
my mind to it. Unfortunately, life isn't that simple or that kind.
This is part 1 of my blog about my Sixth Form years because this is just
one aspect of what I experienced in these years. The other aspect will be in my
next post which is a more 'thinking outside of the box' perspective. This is a
purely academic reflection on my experiences; one that has stuck with me and
will be recalled upon in my post about my University years. However, the
biggest gain of my experiences during this time will be reflected in my next
post. It'll be a much more deep and meaningful post rather than an academic, struggling student view.
